another corporate show

So I’ve just gotten a new job and it’s great because I’ve discovered somewhat of a purpose for blogging. The purpose is undermining, unruly, and is really just so that I can secretly encroach upon other departments without actually having to face somebody and tell them why what they’re doing is stupid lame inefficient. Not that I’m perfect, there isn’t a better solution, or good reason, but, because I’m difficult to work with (and no, I didn’t skip kindergarten). Is stupid lame inefficient a bad word to use? Probably, but now you understand my purpose with this post. Ah, back to the topic – coding like it’s 1999…       

Here is my top ten list of “How to code like it’s 1999″:
1. using PHP < 5.3 (4 was beta in 1999)
2. making use of perl for *anything* (see #4)
3. template engines (scope and variable interpolation exist for a reason)
4. Perl6 (active 1999 mailing list)
5. Java Web Applets
6. SELECT * FROM (seriously, get ORM, select only what you need, or quit your day job.)
7. lisp (like a hero from a classic book, tragic)
8. non-functional redirect pages (hello js or location header; good-bye bad knocking off a lame phpbb feature)
9. ActiveX plug-ins (who developers sites with IE, anyways?)
10. SOAP (all your interoperability are belong to SOAP)

In short, if your core application for which your business and revenue suffers any of the above atrocities, step back for a minute and ask yourself if you really know any better? If you don’t, hire someone who does – FAST! (sorry, I’m taken)